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preemptively written for tomorrow morning

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Jun. 7th, 2010 | 10:24 pm

open letter to my love,

this time two weeks ago i was kissing you goodbye on my way to work. i told you i was so lucky to have you before kissing you softly while retucking you in bed. i quickly navigated down the spiral stairs, rushing out the door like so many other mornings. i am so glad that was what i told you that morning. i realized i was so lucky to have something so many people arent fortunate enough to ever experience. i found someone that made me a better person. i found my equal. i found someone that loved me for me, good and bad. i had someone to tell all my secrets to without fear of judgment or repercussion. i had inside jokes and common interests with the beautiful love of my life. i really meant it when i said i was lucky.

and that afternoon my life was changed forever. in the past two weeks, i have barely been able to wrap my brain around what has happened. i know now that two weeks ago i hardly understood what it meant to say you were my everything. painfully, now, without my compass, i lack direction and purpose and meaning. what is life like without the one that you love? what is life like without plans for our feety pajamas and endless adventures we were meant to share? i know you would have great dr phil words of wisdom for me right now. i know you would know exactly what to do to make me feel better. but instead i openly grieve on facebook/livejournal, because somehow posting this makes our love live on.

wendell was kind enough to offer me some words: "That there will always be traces in her in all you do, traces of her magic will follow you like a trail of brilliant light. And while something like that may sound eerie or overwhelming, it is truly magical. Like magic, it's a power that everyone wants, but only true believers can possess: love." i know without a doubt that is true.

i was so lucky to be loved by you. you shaped the person that i am and forever i will have your blueprint on my heart. together we created something bigger than ourselves and we were able to share that with so many others. it is that which will remain eternal. you took a little piece of me when you left, but i will keep a little of you here with me always.

forever your evangeline/pierre/princess cupcake face.
xylophone.&.

ps-i apologize for posting so many song lyrics.
(next time i want to post the way i feel about you i will be sure to use 03 bonnie and clyde or be without you or if it kills me, since you have pre-approved those songs....i know that set the fire to the third bar and boats & birds are likley too hippy for you :p )

pps- BOB STARKEY WAS AT YOUR FUNERAL!!!! i know you were spirit fingers/jazz hands about that!

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Comments {3}

Gianne

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from: baloo141
date: Jun. 9th, 2010 01:33 pm (UTC)
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I'm smiling at this letter. and because of this, I know she is too.
It's against our protocol but i'm planning on saving a few oily birds in the next few weeks. (technically they're not our patients and not decontaminated, but i'm feeling hard core)
you'll be getting photos :)
.love.

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metabolic frolic

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from: akajules
date: Jun. 10th, 2010 12:49 am (UTC)
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I can't say I know what's going on, but I'm sorry to hear about your loss. It seems indescribable. Keep doing whatever you need to do to help you keep on keepin on. Exercise, a nice glass (or two) of wine, order, disorder, sleep, whatever.

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addictive is an understatement

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from: eyelineraddict
date: Jun. 10th, 2010 01:53 am (UTC)
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it is absolutely indescribable.
thank you for your words.

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