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Jun. 16th, 2010 | 08:22 pm

so today is the first day her truck was gone.
her parents wanted it. and they were down a vehicle, so i said they could take it.
i wasnt ready to clean it out yet, but they could take it.
and if possible, i felt even more empty without it here.
i walked the dogs out front this morning and it was like a sucker punch.
all the sudden it was so permanent.
the lack of something so tangible made everything seem final.
before i had been going through the motions, putting away her laundry in the closet, letting piggles in like she would have, kissing the top of her urn like i would kiss her cheek...

needless to say, i cried on the way to work.

i also cried when my first patient today was last seen in october after he lost his wife of 50 years. at the visit today, he still wears his wedding ring and says he doesnt believe in second marriages. and he still talks about her like she is here. just with less tears than last time. i kept turning away from him to face the computer, hoping with everything in me i could hold it together until he left. that patient was followed by a man who lost his son to suicide last august. no, i couldnt catch a break....until that man brought his wife in for the first time and proceeded to talk about sex. and i played dr. phil. luckily, hbg gave me quite an armanentarium of dr phil.

the void inside me grows bigger by the day. like i said on facebook, i have been counting the small victories to try to get by, but today i feel defeated.

she is the love of my life. we still had so much more to do.

2,007 days together. now 22 days apart.

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Gianne

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from: baloo141
date: Jun. 21st, 2010 12:38 pm (UTC)
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